Why is He So Inconsistent and How Do I Get Him Back?

What do you do when your man pulls back or is inconsistent? It drives you nuts but regardless how many times you have yelled, cried or screamed; he continues to do it! Why does he do it and how do you get it to stop?

The answer is actually simple. If a man feels there is an open door 'in and out of your life' - he'll take it. A man comes in and out of your life for one reason; because you ALLOW it. 'Stop making it so easy for him!'

When he pulls back and you don't hear from him for days, weeks or God forbid - months, you labor almost every day thinking about him and trying to get him back. When he is being inconsistent or inattentive the absolute WORST thing you can do is call, text or email him. That, in effect, rewards his negative behavior. When he finally contacts you - you are ecstatic! You are anxious to speak to him. You change your plans, you free your time, you wait.. and wait.. and wait. When he finally does contact you, you may yell, scream or cry and make him promise not to do it again, but he keeps repeating this pattern.. over and over again.. until YOU pull in the reigns and say 'enough is enough'.

Why does he do this? Well, it is simple. When you reward his bad behavior with 'attention' and 'telling him how much you care and desire him' you reward him for being inconsiderate to you. When he ends up getting what he wants from you - be it sex, attention, words of adoration, (or whatever drives him) that gives him his 'fix'.. so he takes it and then goes back to being inconsistent.

The WORST mistake you can make is to anxiously welcome him back and allow the relationship to go back to where it was BEFORE he disappeared. Again, that reinforces the negative behavior and you make it waaaaaaaay to easy for him. He begins to subconsciously feel that being inconsistent is the best way to get attention from you. You actually 'train him' to respond that way. He gets the attention he needs from you when he is being inconsistent and that drives him to do it. So, YOU HOLD THE KEY!!! Stop chasing him and PULL BACK and watch the changes unfold.

Now, let's look at the flip-side. Some women don't put up with it. If they encounter a man that is inconsistent - after the first time he 'disappears' when they 're-appear' the woman is unavailable, nonchalant and totally uninvolved with this man emotionally. She is 'nice' but 'aloof' and when he wants to see her or chat or have sex.. she tells him she is busy and/or doesn't respond to him for awhile. What is the message a man gets when he encounters this behavior? He quickly realizes that in order to KEEP THIS WOMAN he has to be on his toes and treat her well; with attention, consideration and love. Otherwise, she'll drift away.

Believe it or not, in both instances, the man really wants the woman in his life; so you truly do hold the key to determine how a man treats you.

So the best approach to get a man to be more consistent is simple. When he is not being consistent and attentive; back off. When he resurfaces, act nonchalant and very casual. Listen but don't speak much. Keep your conversations, chat sessions or emails short and sweet. Don't unveil your deep feelings. Don't be an open book. Men don't realize it but they are hard-wired for the conquest. Even hearing that you care and adore him is often enough for him to feel good about himself and then off he goes again - back to being inconsistent. The better approach is to act like he is a casual friend and treat him that way.

If your best friend treated you the way your man does how would you act? Most likely 'cautious and casual'. You wouldn't welcome them back into your life with open arms.

That is exactly the way you should act when a man treats you that way.

DO's: (to keep him consistent!!)

- ALWAYS be positive.

- ALWAYS be happy and upbeat.

- ALWAYS be strategixzing and ONE STEP ahead of your man!

- ALWAYS be smarter and strategize.

- ALWAYS allow a man to chase you and shower you with love and attention.

- ALWAYS allow a man to PROVE himself to you.

- ALWAYS wait before responding to him. When he re-appears in your life don't take his calls right away. Let him reach out to you 2 or 3 or more times before you take his calls, answer emails or text messages. Let it go to vm or just ignore it. Regardless of what kind of message he leaves you (telling you how much he cares, misses you etc) HOLD YOUR GROUND, stay pulled back. Don't give in. If he is emailing or text messaging, allow at least 48 hours (preferably more) to pass before you contact him.

- ALWAYS be brief. When you do speak, email or text - keep all communication BRIEF. If on a phone call, then keep conversation to 5 minutes for the first call and as a rule to NO MORE than 10 minutes (until he is very consistent with you). If emailing or text messaging, answer in 1-2 sentences with very brief wording.

- ALWAYS realize that men learn how to TREAT YOU by your actions. If you stay on the phone with him for many hours each day then he gets all his needs fulfilled and you actually slow down the progress of a relationship. Keep it brief. If it gets really serious with you, then give a little more, but ONLY after you get what you desire from your man.

- ALWAYS be the first to hang up saying you are busy and have some where etc go or first to leave if meeting for lunch, etc. Be vague. Until you have a ring on your finger, it is NONE of his business.


DON'T:

- NEVER call, text or email a man who is ignoring you or is not attentive If the relationship is worthwhile then BE SMARTER than he is. Look at this as a long-term investment in YOUR future.

- NEVER stay on the phone with a man for hours when he isn't giving you everything that you want.

- NEVER tell a man how you feel until he is consistent and giving you what you want; and then dish it out slowly. Listen and let him tell you.

- NEVER believe a man who falls in love with you in 24 hours. Over 95% of the time he is thinking with the wrong part(s) of his body!

- NEVER act mad or angry if you don't hear from him. Act casual as if it doesn't matter. When you get mad and upset, it is a boost to his ego and that alone drives some men to act inconsistent,

- NEVER give into having sex (or phone sex) with this man if he isn't being consistent and attentive to you. If you do, you will be telling him that he can come in and out of your life (for sex) without giving you anything more.

How to respond to an email or text message:

If you haven't heard from him in awhile and he sends you an email or text message, wait 2-3 days before responding. Then be very brief. If he asked any questions in his communication with you, answer 1 or 2 very briefly. You are NOT obligated to give him a full run-down of what he missed. If he is so interested and concerned about your life; he shouldn't disappear for days, weeks or months.

"hey, nice to hear from you. I am doing great, thanks for asking. Been really busy. Have a great week! "

Do NOT reach out to him in any way after you speak, email or text. Yes, this is a waiting game but a well worth waiting game. Retraining someone can take days, weeks or months, but it WILL pay off!!!


#################################



Lady Fontaine was named America's #1 Love Psychic by the International Certification of Psychics. She is a certified Master Psychic and a Certified Life Coach. For more love & relationship advice call America's #1 Love psychic - Lady Fontaine (aka The Love Doctor).

Blessings of Light & Love!!!


Lady Fontaine