Surviving a Broken Heart

One of the worst feelings you can experience in life is a broken heart. There is never a good time for a relationship to end; but it always seems worse around the holidays. A broken heart tears at the core of your essence. It feels like your heart is being torn out of your chest. It hurts! So, what do you do when your heart is broken?

I have written up a list of things to do to help ease the pain. Although when you are in deep emotional pain caused by a broken heart it may seem like the pain will never go away, but it will. In time a broken heart does mend.. and life does go on. But, what do we do in the meantime?

1. Treat yourself with kindness. Allow yourself to see the big picture. As we begin to deal with the 'loss' of the relationship we begin a grieving process. The first stages of grieving - we blame ourselves. Keep in mind that it takes two people to be in a relationship and if a relationship fails - both partners have some responsibility. A serious relationship does not end because of something trivial you said, or did. Your partner may use that as an excuse; but the roots of the problem were planted long before the final break-up. Relationships end because communication is lacking or because two people are not compatible. Sometimes relationships end because your partner isn't 'ready' to be in a relationship, needs some space, falls out of love with you or a host of other reasons. Understand and recognize that it takes 'two to tango' and if the relationship ends - not just one partner is to blame, so if you catch yourself blaming yourself, STOP!!

2. Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, anyone who will listen. The best thing you can do is verbalize what you are feeling. The worst thing you can do is just let it brew inside of you.

3. Write the person a letter expressing your feelings and all the reasons you feel hurt; but don't mail the letter.

4. Allow yourself to feel. CRY! YELL! SHOUT! SCREAM!! Let the emotion surface and get it out! It is okay to feel miserable and gloomy - if you allow yourself to express the sadness you feel, the pain will pass quicker. There are steps of healing. At the beginning stages it is important to allow yourself to feel the pain. The first stages of healing you will blame yourself and wish you did things differently but that stage will pass. As you begin to heal, the pain turns to anger and eventually leaves. These are all normal stages of healing. There are 12-step programs designed to walk you through the stages of healing.. that is a very good place to start.

5. Pound a pillow. Yes, you heard me - this is one of the best ways to release pent up emotions.

6. Spend time with friends. Even though you may not be in the mood to be social or be with friends - do your best to spend time with friends or family. Don't allow yourself to be alone all the time.

7. Turn your attention to your career and work responsibilities, friends, your pets, etc. Find joy in your daily routine.

8. Plan your day. Sit down with pad and paper in hand. Make a list of things you have always loved to do. Jot down at least 10 items. Now, grab a calendar or appointment book.. and begin working out a schedule for yourself. Plan your day from the moment you wake up until the minute you go to sleep. Put down everything. This is an imperative step to helping you survive the initial days of a broken relationship. The goal is to fill your day completely. The worst thing is to be alone and feel lonely and abandoned.

9. Go places. Go the the library, art gallery, museum, shopping, football game.. find things to do that you have always enjoyed. I want you to go and do it! Don't worry about feeling sad, you'd be surprised - especially this time of the year the christmas carols and lights and decorations might help lift your mood. Do NOT go to places where you and your ex went - explore and find new places!

10. Decorate for the holidays. Go shopping. Plan a decorate the tree party with close friends.

11. VOLUNTEER. Call your local charities. Most of the charities will welcome your help. You'll be amazed to find that as you help others, your pain will begin to heal.

12. Don't rush things.. your healing process will take as long as you need it to take.

13. Do the above steps even if you are not in the mood or if you feel like you are just going through the motions.

14. Call me. I am a Certified Love Psychic and Life Coach. My clients call me The Love Doctor. There *IS* life and happiness after a failed relationship. Before you know it you will be living your life to its fullest!

Blessings of Light & Love!

-Lady Fontaine