How to Win at Love and Life...

The Universe has very simple rules. You ‘get’ what you feel you are ‘worthy’ of. Henry Ford said it perfectly with these words:

"If you believe you can or
You believe you can’t
--- You’re right!"

-Henry Ford

So, how do you apply this concept to your love lives? Many of your ‘deep beliefs’ are so ingrained within you that you don’t even realize you have them. Some examples are: money doesn’t grow on trees, good girls should be seen and not heard, big boys don’t cry, no one will ever love you, and a face only a mother could love. Familiar?

You’ve all been told similar things when growing up. But how do these limiting beliefs really shape your lives? It is simple and a very natural way of life. As children you want to please your parents. Your parents tell you things.. you believe it. You want the praise, love and acceptance of your parents or care-takers so you do things that you know they will approve of. After time, you begin to accept these ‘things’ as truths. For example, if you get a hug and kiss every time you stop crying.. you begin to learn that expressing emotions and crying is NOT rewarded; but to stop crying is rewarded therefore the belief may become that ‘expressing emotions is not acceptable’. Add to that, your parents tell you: ‘what a good girl’ when you stop crying, so that further reinforces to you that it is a bad thing to show emotion. Another example is.. let’s say a young boy is artistic. But, his dad wants him to play sports. He takes him outside to catch balls. Every time the boy does something that the father wants – he rewards him. ‘hey son, that was great, let’s go get ice cream’. Every time the boy does something the father does not approve of, he gets negative input: ‘Son, why are you always drawing pictures and acting like a sissy, let’s go outside and catch some balls and act like a real man!’ Over time, these words and actions become ingrained within the boy and he begins to believe them. To make matters worse, he now has this inner conflict because he wants to draw and design things, but his father wants him to do something else.. so he shoves his true desires aside and does what his dad wants him to do.. and conflict and resentment sets in. All these thoughts become a part of your belief structure. So, the boy who might have been destined to be a top architect or artist.. might grow up trying to please his father and being a mediocre macho man; instead of allowing his natural artistic qualities to blossom. The example I used above also shows why so many Americans have weight problems; as children you are rewarded for ‘eating everything on your plate’ and ‘food’ is often used as a reward (as I used as an example with the boy and the ice cream). All of these things mold and shape you into the adults you are today.

Science has not completely figured out where thoughts come from. The consensus by psychologists is your thoughts are generated by your beliefs. So, if you believe you are worthy of something, you will THINK THOUGHTS TO SUPPORT THAT BELIEF and draw it into your lives; but if you don’t; you won’t. You might wonder how you really know what thoughts are limiting you. Fortunately, it is easier than you may think. Many of you say things like.. ‘I can’t do that!’ If you catch yourself saying something like that ask yourself 2 things: 1) Can’t do what? And when you identify what it is that you ‘can’t do’.. ask yourself 2) Why? You may discover that you ‘realize’ that you can’t do it because you were always told you couldn’t.. and as you become aware of that – and consciously allow yourself to do it.. you empower yourself as you break old habits and shatter limiting beliefs. Let’s look at this example. Let’s assume that you catch a thought that says: ‘you can’t get that high paying job’ [and let’s assume this is the IDEAL job that you have you have waited your entire life for]. So, you catch the thought and ask yourself: ‘Can’t do what?’ You respond: ‘get the high paying job silly!’ You then ask yourself: ‘Why not?’ [you may have to ask yourself 10 times, 20 times, a hundred times or a million times..] but keep asking until you get an answer.. because you WILL! If you suddenly start remembering how your mom always told you ‘you can’t do that!’ hold that thought because that is the defining experience that ‘set’ your belief. As you recall your mom saying that.. reflect on what you wanted to do as a child that she told you not to do.. and imagine that you allow yourself to do it.. and that your mom is supportive that you did what you wanted! Feel the JOY of experiencing what you have wanted to experience all these years! BRAVO!!!

So, how does this all play into getting the love you deserve? Simple. You ‘allow’ yourself to have the love (money, success, attention, etc) that you feel you are worthy of. There is NO way around that. So, take a minute and look at your OUTER WORLD. Your OUTER WORLD is a REFLECTION OF YOUR INNER WORLD. What is your outer world telling you? Is your life filled with love? Money? Success? Happiness? For the majority of you.. the answer is no. And the reason is simple.. because along the way you have lost yourselves. As children you are told not to focus on your own needs – to focus on others. By doing that, you put yourselves second and IGNORE your own needs and satisfy others. The ‘energy’ that radiates to the universe is ‘I am not important’.. and the universe is actually a very powerful, nonjudgmental ‘mirror’. What you radiate.. it returns to you 100-fold++++. So, when you radiate that energy (message) to the universe that YOUR DESIRES ARE NOT IMPORTANT,, the universe sends more of that back to you. When you radiate energy (messages) to the universe that you are WORTHY.. the universe multiplies that 100+++fold and sends you more and more!

So, how do you change the energy you radiate? The first thing you need to do is realize that each thought has a duality. I work with hundreds of people each year and they tell me: But Lady Fontaine, I *AM* thinking positive.’ I then ask them to tell me what they are thinking about. They often tell me they are thinking about ‘one-day’ having a certain person in their lives, certain job, etc. If you think about some future time when life will be better for you the MESSAGE the Universe gets is: Right now.. you have NO ONE and NOTHING and the universe’s job is to provide you with that 100 fold.. so it keeps you in that energy. THE SECRET teaches you to THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS but listen very carefully to my words... ‘You can think these thoughts from now until eternity but until you truly believe them – you will remain stuck and unhappy inside.’

These are examples of some basic (but GREAT) Affirmations:

I AM HAPPY
I AM LOVED
I AM WEALTHY


But, if you really don’t believe those words; nothing will ever change. I don’t care how diligent you are in telling yourself over and over again all these positive affirmations if you don’t feel it and believe it – it won’t happen. The ONLY way to FEEL them is to DISCOVER the underlying ‘limiting’ belief and acknowledge it.